While on vacation with my parents,
we decided to walk through a Hobby Lobby one night after dinner. It had been raining lightly all day so we didn’t spend the day walking parks or museums like we had planned. Mom wasn’t feeling well, either. But, the idea of sitting around in a hotel room watching tv for a few more hours was just too boring.
Shortly after we arrived, mom went to the restroom, which was in the back of the store. She parted ways with dad and I. No problem; right. Sure, For all of maybe five minutes.
Dad followed me down an aisle or two, then stopped. A little encouragement and he walked a little further down the aisle and stopped. He wasn’t acting differently, just not willing to move. Nothing really too interesting in that aisle to keep his attention. So I try to lead him into the 3rd aisle.
He glanced down the aisle, then just turned and started walking back to the rest rooms. I asked if he needed to use the restroom. Shook his head no. So I told him what was going on and he and I would walk the store for exercise while we waited. That seemed to work for a moment or two. It took about five trips back to the restrooms and some coaxing to get dad down eight aisles. I even took him straight to the model cars and toy aisle where he often found something to look over closely.
The moment I turned to point out something on a shelf he was gone.
Right back to the rest rooms.
Not knowing what else to do I led him into the men’s room. Thinking he really needed to use it and there was a misunderstanding. Nope. Right back out. But this time he started to push open the women’s room door. I panicked. I didn’t know who else might be in there or how they would react to dad just walking in so I pulled him out and away. I was making sure that I was in between him and the restrooms. I don’t know how long this went on. I just knew that he didn’t care what I was saying, he had to find mom. Because I was physically blocking him, he was getting more and more upset with me. Some time passed with us dead locked in the back aisle.
When mom came out, she was cross with us. She and I got into a heated discussion as we walked into the neighboring aisles. She was dismissive of what I had just gone through. I was truly fed up. I just walked off. I wandered about the other side of the store by myself for a while. After some time mom found me and insisted Dad would listen to me if I just explained it to him. That’s all that she does.
“No, I’m not you.” I said. “ Dad reacts to you a lot differently than he does with me. He actively looks for you. I’m not a complete stranger to him but I am not the one he trusts. Does he look for me when I’m not around? No. He does for you. ”
Looking back, we understood that he was overloaded.
Not being in a familiar city, not sleeping in a familiar bed room. Not doing the normal things.
All of that was manageable in small amounts
as long as he was with the person he instinctively relied on the most.
That was our last family vacation.
written by Justin Vance