Why Emotional Wellness Matters for Caregivers

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Being a caregiver can be rewarding. . . and extremely stressful.

As caregivers we set aside our own feelings and needs to care for someone else.  Most of us have done this at sometime in our lives.  Parenting is one example of a time when another human being’s well-being is a higher priority than our own. In most – not all –  situations, we know the child will eventually  take care of themselves. 

Caregiving for another adult is different. 

Our expectation is generally that adults take care of themselves and there is shared responsibility toward a mutual goal. Spouses may have spent most of the time in their relationship sharing joys and chores.  Suddenly one person in the relationship becomes the one responsible.  For everything. 

If we can see an end – recovery from surgery, an auto accident – our expectation is generally that life will return to “normal.” It doesn’t always.  A diagnosis of dementia, progressive disease, or life altering problem leaves us “in charge”.  Often without warning. 

As caregivers, we are faced with hard reality.

 We find we must acknowledge the loss of our loved one’s health, the loss of the future we planned and the changes in our relationship.  Especially personal is the loss of our own autonomy.  It is okay to be angry and upset.  It is natural.  And then we feel guilty because our loved ones cannot help whatever threw this curve in your family’s life.  If we don’t acknowledge these feelings, over time, that takes a toll on your own emotional health.

Emotional wellness means keeping your thoughts and feelings balanced,

Even when life is challenging. It involves recognizing emotions, managing stress in healthy ways, and finding peace in daily routines. For caregivers, emotional health is not a luxury – it’s a necessity. When you take care of your emotions, you give better care to others and protect your own long-term well-being.

Understanding the emotional side of caregiving

Caregiving connects heart and effort. You may feel many emotions at once – love, joy, guilt, worry, frustration, and sadness. These feelings can change quickly from day to day or even hour to hour.

Common emotions caregivers experience include:

• Love and pride: You may feel honored to help someone you care for deeply.
• Guilt: You might believe you should do more, even when you are already doing all you can.
• Anger and frustration: Caring for someone can lead to burnout, especially if they are demanding or so unwell that they need a great deal of attention.  Or a bid for attention is conflicting with your need for a bit of peace.  Perhaps you are missing  connection with the outside world. 
• Loneliness: Spending long hours caregiving may cause you to lose contact with friends and hobbies.
• Grief: You may mourn the person’s declining health and certainly the loss of your past relationship.

Recognizing your feelings instead of denying them is the first step toward emotional wellness.

It’s easy to miss when your emotional reserves start running low. Watch for signs such as:

• Feeling tired, sad, or irritable most of the time
• Losing interest in activities you used to enjoy
• Withdrawing from friends or family
• Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
• Feeling hopeless, anxious, or overly guilty
• Frequent crying or emotional outbursts

These aren’t signs of weakness – they’re signals that you need care too. Catching them early helps you avoid burnout and depression.

Managing Guilt and Perfectionism

Many caregivers feel that what they do is never enough.   They may think, “If I were stronger, more patient, or more loving, this would be easier.”     This mindset leads to guilt and exhaustion.

1. Remember you are human.       No one can do everything perfectly.
2. Focus on intentions, not perfection.      Doing your best is what matters most.
3. Let go of “shoulds.”      Replace “I should do more” with “I am doing what I can.”
4. Forgive yourself.     Everyone has frustrating or impatient moments.
5. Accept help.       You don’t have to do it all alone.

Emotional wellness:   when you treat yourself with the same grace and kindness you give your loved one.

—————- by Charlene Vance —————–

This is an answer to the new caregiver question: What can I expect?  Truthfully the answer is: everyone’s experience is different.   However, there are common threads that caregivers report time and again.  Posts in this series include: * Why Emotional Wellness Matters for a Caregiver         *  Dealing with Caregiver Emotions     * Caregiver Stress