Emotional Wellness: Dealing with Caregiver Emotions
Many caregivers try to ignore emotions. . . pretend we are okay. Think we don’t have the right to “feel the way we do.” Keeping emotions hidden and tamped down seems like it “saves time”, is “being mature”, keeps the loved one from being upset and a dozen other false justifications. There are better ways to handle emotional needs.
First we need to admit: Caregiving is hard and stirs up real emotions.
How to deal with caregiver emotions?
Instead of ignoring emotions, name them.
Ask yourself: “How am I really feeling right now?” Do this at least once a day and as often during the day as you need. Are you frustrated? Do you feel unsupported because no one offers to help? Are you overwhelmed by chores?
Don’t focus just on the negative feelings. Are you happy because the lab reports are good? Are you proud of the effort your loved one made? Did the new hearing aids come?
It is important to acknowledge both negative and positive feelings. This helps reduce the tension of worry and stress. And reminds us that positive things can be found in the overwhelm of caregiving.
Writing feelings in a notebook, voice recording, or sharing them with a friend helps keep you on an even keel. When emotions stay bottled up, they increase, especially negative ones. Releasing them in a healthy way prevents emotional overload. It helps you deal with caregiving. It benefits our loved ones who often can sense the simmering untended pot of emotions
Some caregivers find emotional awareness by:
- Journaling their day, even for 5 minutes
- Taking brief breaks to breathe or stretch
- Talking to someone they trust
- Using calming self-talk like “I’m safe right now” or “This is hard, but I can handle it.”
Awareness gives you control.
You don’t have to be ruled by every emotion – you can respond calmly instead of reacting impulsively. As you practice awareness, you will find a calmness that begins to prevail when “things” happen. Your person breaks your favorite mug. The toilet overflows. The pharmacy didn’t deliver on time. You are not happy – it shouldn’t have happened. Acknowledge your feelings – anger, frustration, overwhelmed. (Don’t kick the ottoman. You could suddenly end up flat on your back, on the carpeted floor. Don’t ask!)
Acknowledging the feelings give you the strength to move on.
How to Build Emotional Care Into Your Day
Just like brushing your teeth, caring for your emotions works best as a daily habit. Build a short routine with simple, quick steps that help you stay centered.
Try this sample routine for emotional care:
- Morning grounding: Sit quietly for one minute on the side of the bed before your day begins. Breathe slowly and set one positive intention for the day.
- Midday pause: Step outside, stretch, or enjoy a tea break. Remind yourself that your work matters.
- Evening reflection: Write down one thing that went well and one thing you’re grateful for.
These simple practices make a big difference over time.
Use Relaxation Techniques
Stress affects the mind and body. Relaxation techniques help slow that stress response and restore calm.
Effective techniques include:
- Deep breathing: Inhale through your nose for four counts, hold for two, and exhale slowly for six.
- Progressive muscle relaxation: Tense each muscle group for a few seconds, then release tension from head to toe.
- Guided imagery: Close your eyes and picture a peaceful scene for a few minutes.
- Gentle movement: Walking, stretching, or yoga ease stress and refresh focus.
Practice these regularly – not just when you feel overwhelmed – but as part of normal self-care.
Build an Emotional Support System
It is difficult for one person to carry caregiving emotions alone. Support systems lighten the load. This support system is for you and may be quite different from other support systems you need. Try connecting with:
- Family or friends: Those few with whom you can share honestly about how you’re feeling.
- Support groups: Talking with other caregivers helps you feel less alone. Online support groups have become very common, allowing caregivers to share experiences and information. Groups are often based on a particular disease, which is very helpful.
- Faith or meditation communities: Spiritual connection can comfort and strengthen you.
- Counselors or therapists: Professional listeners provide tools to process emotions safely. Not all communities have counselors or therapists available. Sometimes pastors fill this need on a short term basis. For those who have limited sources, consider telephone or online appointments.
Reaching out doesn’t mean weakness – it shows wisdom and courage.
————— Charlene Vance —————