You probably know her story.
The fourth of twelve children, born to an illiterate, hardworking father and a resourceful mother, who was celebrated in the song Dolly later wrote – Coat of Many Colors. She left home at sixteen. And, the next day, Dolly met her future husband at the Wishy Washy Laundromat in Nashville. He took her out for ”dinner” at the local McDonald’s drive through. They married in 1966. He maintained his business and after a couple of early forays into the “star” life, told Dolly he loved her and supported her career, “but I am not going to any more of these wingdings.”
An astute business woman, Dolly’s wealth and influence grew in the world.
Known for her rhinestones, big hair and big personality in public, she maintained her own quiet family life for nearly sixty years. This in itself is an enormous feat: to set and keep those boundaries. Carl Dean was diagnosed with cancer and, Dolly, like 63 million other family members in America, became his caregiver at home. She was with him 24/7, performing all the high stress chores that go with caring at home. He passed away March 3, 2025.
She knew she neglected her own health
She told People Magazine in August 2026 that while caring for her husband, she skipped doctor visits and ignored her own symptoms. Four days after the interview, and only sixteen months after her husband, Dolly passed away from cancer. August 25, 2026
This is the story of millions of family caregivers in the United States.
They are sacrificing their own wellbeing to care for a family members. They are doing what they need to do to take care of their family. Those 63 million unpaid caregivers, according to AARP and National Institute of Health joint study, amount to 25% of the American population. Most caregivers provide an average of 27 hours of care per week. One in four caregivers provide 40 hours of care each week. A full time job.
Many also hold an outside job. Or care for more than one person. More than 4 out of every 10 caregivers are in a high-intensity care situation, 24 hours a day contending with constant and complex responsibilities. Twenty percent report their own health as “fair” or “poor”. Nearly thirty percent are “sandwich generation” raising children and caring for adult relatives at the same time.
Close to two-thirds of caregivers report emotional stress, and 45% report physical strain. There is the additional burden of loneliness, experienced by nearly a quarter of all caregivers who may be missing opportunities to socialize and connect outside their homes.
Caregivers’ self-neglect often comes down to practical matters.
Who will provide care while the caregiver is gone? How can you schedule anything when you can’t plan for the next hour how your person will behave or what condition they will be in? When you spend so much time in hospitals or doctor’s offices, you don’t want to spend any more time there.
Caregivers don’t have the bandwidth to process any more possibly bad news.
There is already much uncertainty, anxiety and stress in dealing with their care partners. This is especially true when we care for someone who we know will not recover. There is a feeling of powerlessness over the future. We do everything to make them comfortable and give them the best life possible. Make memories while we can. Caregiving can help one feel in control, in a meaningful way.
Dr. Neal K. Shah states that Dolly’s experience contains a warning to caregivers.
He is a Johns Hopkins- and NIH-funded caregiving researcher and CEO of CareYaYa Health Technology. He became a family caregiver for his grandfather through dementia, kidney failure, and end-of-life care, He also was the primary caregiver for his wife during a long battle with cancer.
Researchers found three common events that often follow caregiving.
1. Three out of four caregivers report their health dramatically declines after the death of the person requiring care. Constant stress, responsibility, physical strain while focusing on caregiving causes chronic inflammation and the caregiver’s health declines.
2. The surviving partner has a significant risk of death themselves within the next 12 to 18 months. This arises due to the physiological shock of grief and the physical stress they have endured.
3. When the intensive period of caregiving ends, the loss of purpose leaves a profound void. Having a continuing daily purpose protects your longevity in later life.
Dr Shah’s conclusions:
If you are a caregiver, taking care of yourself isn’t selfish.
As a society we need to acknowledge this and provide more ways to support those who are caregivers.
————— by Charlene Vance —————